My time at UTM has come to an end.
The past four years have felt like a whirlwind at times and a snail running a race at others.
Each year I have been here has brought new challenges, wins, opportunities and learning.
I remember taking 100 and 200 level classes. I was amazed, thinking I could never do 300 and 400 level classes. But now I have and I’m realizing I can do more than I thought.
My freshman and sophomore years of college were awesome. I enjoyed being a part of organizations, being involved in student leadership and making friends.
But the end of my sophomore year, leading into junior year, was a very hard time.
I put a lot of pressure on myself to move up in organizations and to get good grades.
I had done so in high school and had no trouble with it. But college was a different story.
I had good grades in college. No doubt.
But I got my first B my sophomore year and that hurt. Especially because of the high grades my friends had.
I also stopped moving up in organizations and didn’t get into some organizations that I wanted to. That hurt too.
I didn’t get diagnosed with depression until later in my junior year, but the symptoms were there during the second semester of my sophomore year.
I didn’t know it then, but I do now.
I slept a lot, had a hard time going to class and doing assignments, couldn’t remember things and was apathetic about everything. I thought these were normal things for college students, but they aren’t.
I really didn’t want to get on anti-depressants. I thought I could handle everything, but I couldn’t.
When I started taking medicine, though, and it started working, I was amazed.
I felt better.
I was going to class on time.
I was able to handle stress better than ever.
Depression runs in my family but none of my friends, or people I knew, would have imagined I had depression. Part of it was because I was able to put a smile on my face for people who didn’t know, but that was just part of the depression.
Depression and anxiety, which are closely related, are real things that affect many college students. UTM has a problem with depression and suicide, but no one talks about it.
Depression on college campuses is a very real thing, that affects a lot of people. Don’t think you can handle it alone. No one should have to handle it alone.
I didn’t have to and you don’t have to either. Thank you, Pacer and friends, for being my support. I needed you.
