Most people have seen shows where situations are created and random people, who don’t know they are being filmed, are either forced to step in or walk past because they don’t want to interfere.
These situations can range on a variety of topics, but sometimes it turns out to be domestic abuse situations. More often than not it is a man yelling at a woman. The people on the show usually step in to defend the woman when she is being yelled at, even though they do not know the full story. There is no doubt in anyone’s mind that if they saw a man being physically or verbally violent to a woman, they would immediately jump in to defend the woman.
How many of those same people would jump in to defend the man if the roles were reversed?
Men who are in abusive relationships are often brushed off; their cries for help are ignored, leading them to believe that they did something wrong. Men are often called the “invisible victims” because they are not often pinned for the type of person to be pushed around.
Even if they decided to stand up and escape, the woman could easily twist the situation around, causing the man to look as if he is the one at fault instead of the woman. If they were to defend themselves, especially in public, it would show the man’s character in less of a self-defense light, but in a more violent light.
The question of “why didn’t they leave when they first realized their partner was emotionally abusive?” is likely to be raised. At the beginning of a relationship, the person, in this case a woman, is not likely to start out being emotionally abusive. It is a slow process, usually referred to as gaslighting, where the abuse slowly and gradually becomes worse. Gaslighting is not an overnight occurrence, and is not easily discovered.
The victim, in this case a man, does not quickly realize that the woman is being as cruel as she is until it has escalated out of control. The man may not even realize he is being emotionally abused, but rather brushes it off as him doing something wrong or there being an issue going on in the woman’s life.
No matter the excuse used to justify why the woman is being abusive, it is wrong. There is no excuse for being emotionally or physically abusive, whether it’s by a man or a woman. The only way to stop the abuse is to speak up, take the leap of faith and get help. Do not let the fear that they will do something worse if you seek help scare you. There are plenty of people out there, willing to listen, help you escape and recover.
Men, you are not alone. According to The National Domestic Violence Hotline, 10% of men have experienced rape, physical violence, or stalking by their partner. 13.8% have been the victim of severe physical violence inflicted by their partner and 4% have been seriously injured.
These are just the reported cases. If you or someone you know is being abused, report it. Don’t let the fear that no one will believe you stop you from speaking up. There are people out there who will listen, support, and love you no matter what. Speak up, reach out and use your story to encourage others to get help.
If you or someone you know is being abused, get help. Contact campus public safety at (731) 881-7777 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
