As the days wind down on the spring semester at UTM, a certain illness has been sweeping the campus, senioritis.
The always faithful and rarely factual Urban Dictionary defines senioritis as, “A virus, which seems to affect mainly second semester seniors, with few exceptions … This virus can be deadly to one’s grades, as the carrier becomes totally apathetic about [his or her] grades, classes, homework etc. This results in many zeros … or failing grades – ultimately leading to the drastic lowering of the grade in the carrier’s classes. Side effects include: Failure to give a s—, complete and utter apathy and not graduating with the carrier’s class.”
Those of us who suffered from a minor variation of this terrible virus in high school know how devastating it can be. However, because of college seniors’ proximity to the ‘real world’, those not going to graduate school anyways, this virus can potentially devastate the lives of those leaving the academic world forever.
Let’s be honest, it’s much easier to recover from failure in academia than it is after you leave the warm, supple womb of your college home.
Like any illness, if detected early, it can be treated.
The first stage is being what is now called a ‘try-hard.’
Try-hard is the new hip way of saying overachiever, or the definition of a person who actually wants to make something of his or herself instead of signing up for Van Wilder’s seven-year plan to graduation.
For spring semester graduates, the try-hard phase usually begins as the fall semester is winding down. However, winter break will often reduce the danger of this stage, but it will quickly flare up in the spring.
After weeks of seeing fellow seniors get by with the bare minimum, the try-hard phase will quickly turn into procrastination.
This phase has the longest timetable and can potentially be the most harmful of them all. Instead of staying up all night working on that paper, you’ll start it no earlier than one hour before it’s due and turn it in no sooner than three days after the deadline.
With some professors, this is not a problem as they are just as ready to be done as we are. However, with some professors who are still in the faculty version of the try-hard stage, this can be detrimental to one’s ability to graduate.
Unless, of course, you walk into his or her office roughly two weeks before graduation and say, “Um, yeah, do you have any, like, extra credit? I totally need this class to graduate.” Trust me, professors love that.
This procrastination phase will take up most of your final semester, all except the last month anyway. That’s when you make it to the third and most productive phase, the “Oh my God, I’m not going to graduate phase.”
At this point, you will find yourself stressing over absolutely anything you can find the time to stress about.
Didn’t study for that quiz that’s worth five points? Definitely failing that course.
During the procrastination phase it was nothing to miss a full week of classes. Now, if you miss the day that you aren’t required to show up, you worry if you missed anything important.
Another side effect of this phase is overwhelming rage.
Fortunately, nothing detrimental typically occurs here. Usually, it’s just you creating your own stress.
The fourth of the five stages doesn’t even have a proper name. By this point I don’t even care to take the time to give it one, but it is widely known as apathy.
Nothing matters anymore.
The light is truly at the end of tunnel for most of us. Well, hopefully the light and not a train.
If you need this to be further explained, look up the college finals remix to the Frozen song “Let it Go.”
The fifth and final stage has many names depending on whom you ask.
For most, including myself, it’s known as “I can’t even.”
I can’t even believe we made it. It’s ‘we’ because at this point, if you made it this far, it has been a team effort.
I can’t even believe I passed that class. See, you were stressing about nothing.
I can’t even thank you enough. What you should be saying to the professors that helped you along the way.
I can’t even stay awake during this commencement speaker. Really though, who books these people? Better question, who are these people?
I can’t even believe that after all these years and all the money I’ve given to this university all I get is a Spirit Stick. Who cares? It’s finally over. Unless you are one of the ones they let walk without actually graduating you have more to go.
Hopefully, nobody gets trapped by the first four stages and everyone makes it to the final stage. For those of you who did get stuck along the way, remember: It’s not when you graduate, it’s that you graduate.
For those of you who have made it, congratulations, you earned it. Now go out there and do something in that real world they keep telling us about.
Feature photo credit: The Aragon Outlook
