In middle school, my most dreaded experience was lining up to be picked by team captains for flag football. I was always last, or a few names from it.
All the other guys lined up next to me were much better at football. They were faster, stronger and played on the varsity team. I stood no chance.
Despite enjoying playing football a lot, I vividly remember going out for recess and not going to play football because I couldn’t compare to them. I convinced myself I had better things to do with my busy schedule. I just sat on the hillside and did homework that day, by myself.
Because we all keep busy schedules and have unlimited ways to compare ourselves in college, we must work actively to conquer loneliness and develop lasting friendships.
Comparing yourself to others is the quickest way to have the self-esteem rug yanked out from below your feet and can keep you locked in your dorm room if you engage in it too much. College can feel like a competition with thousands of other students who all excel in areas that you don’t.
“Why can’t I sprint 50-yards with a football, dodging inbetween 200-pound mountains of muscle like he can?”
Not only that, social media allows you to compare yourself to an infinite number of people. It can be very disheartening to spend your day comparing.
As Dr. Jordan Peterson said in his 12 Rules for Life, “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.” College is the best time to discover your greatest possible self.
Taking difficult classes and living on your own for the first time, you find out quickly how late you can stay up and how engaged in work you can be with overloading yourself. Let this be your time to continually keep improving yourself and your talents, not looking at others.
You need to declare war against your schedule. Fight with yourself to make every hour of free time productive, but make sure you’re doing what you enjoy. Use your free time as an opportunity to have a blast getting to know other students over dinner in the caf or a UTM football game.
In order to achieve this victory though, you’re going to have to craft that schedule and set aside time to get necessary work done. Get your biology assignments finished and clean those dirty clothes sitting in the corner of your room. When you work with yourself and attack your busy schedule, you set yourself up for victory against loneliness.
Sometimes, for me, when I come into a big project or issue, I will stop talking with others and become a bit of a hermit. This is my cave and I might find myself locked in for long periods of time. In moments like these, it is important to distract yourself from the issues with things you enjoy. It’s okay to have these moments, but don’t let them consume you. Keep a cap on them.
If you can stop comparing yourself and find time in your stalemate of a schedule, develop close friendships with those you have enjoyed hanging out with the past few months. Find people you have connections with and pursue getting to know them further.
If there are people that are nice, but you don’t have anything in common, that’s fine! Let them be a friendly face to pass by as you meet up with those you connect with. After all, does that schedule really have time for them?
It took me a few days sitting on the hillside by myself doing homework to decide I really didn’t enjoy that. I knew I had time to play flag football, and I knew if I had fun and did my best, it’s all that mattered.
Stop comparing yourself to others and not scheduling enough time for fun!
Get friends to gossip with, get advice from, or take to watch a winning UTM football game.
Don’t let loneliness stop you from enjoying your college experience.
Pacer Photo/Tomi McCutchen
